When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
