nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
