You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
