Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
