I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need water and some morals
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize