btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
