The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
