What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
