I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
