If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
