Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize