he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
