I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
