Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
