i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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