Porn is love you can see.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
