I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
