hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
