don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
