he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
