We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
