So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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