Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
