You're completely useless in the revolution.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
