it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
