He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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