i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize