cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
