got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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