sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
two words: eviction party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
