Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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