some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
