I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
