Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What a dumb baby whore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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