so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
