How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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