Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
