you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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