Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
