i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
