Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
