chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
