I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
