Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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