Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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