some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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