You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
