farters have to be the big spoon...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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