The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
