I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
