She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
