She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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