Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize