i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
