So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
