i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
