Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
