Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
