I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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