you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
