oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize