U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
