By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
