I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
