I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
