I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
