hell yes lets make some ravioli
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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