i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Man, jail baloney is awful.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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