You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
