think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
